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Oh, how easy it is to come up with a good excuse! As grandparents, we’ve been around long enough to know how to dodge, delay, or downplay things in a way that sounds completely reasonable to us. After all, we’re older, wiser, and we know that not every little thing in life needs to be entertained.
But here’s the problem: our grandkids don’t always see it that way.
To them, the excuses we make can feel like barriers, like we’re choosing convenience over connection. And if we keep using them too often, we might unintentionally make our grandkids feel like they’re not important enough to us. So let’s take a good, honest look at some of the most common excuses we make—excuses that our grandkids hate hearing—and consider what we can do instead.
1. “I’m too old for that.”
It’s one of the most common phrases we say, and most of the time, we truly mean it! Our backs ache, our knees creak, and sometimes we just don’t have the energy to run around like we used to. But here’s the thing—our grandkids don’t see us as “too old.” They see us as theirs.
When they ask us to try something new—whether it’s playing a video game, doing a TikTok dance, or simply rolling on the floor to play with Legos—they aren’t thinking about our age. They’re thinking about how much fun it would be to do it together.
Instead of outright refusing, we can try saying, “I may not be as fast as you, but I’ll give it a try!” or “Show me how, and I’ll do my best.” They’ll appreciate the effort, even if we’re slow and silly.
2. “Maybe next time.”
This one might seem harmless, but to a child, it can feel like a never-ending delay. Kids live in the now, and when they ask us to do something—whether it’s watching a school play, joining them for a movie, or playing outside—they want to feel like they matter now.
Saying “maybe next time” too often makes them feel like they’re being brushed off. And the sad truth? Sometimes, there isn’t a next time. Life moves fast, and kids grow up even faster.
Instead, we can say, “I can’t right now, but how about tomorrow at 4?” or “I promise I’ll make time this weekend.” This way, they know we’re serious about keeping our word.
3. “Back in my day, we didn’t need that.”
Oh, this one is tempting! When our grandkids complain about needing a new phone, struggling with school, or feeling anxious about life, we want to tell them how our childhood was much simpler.
But the truth is, times have changed. Kids today are growing up in a completely different world—one we might not fully understand. Dismissing their concerns with “back in my day” makes them feel unheard, like their struggles aren’t valid.
Instead, we can try, “That’s interesting. Tell me more about why that’s important to you.” Showing interest, even if we don’t relate, helps keep the conversation open.
4. “You don’t need that.”
Whether it’s the latest gadget, trendy clothes, or a hobby we don’t quite understand, we often say, “You don’t need that.” But to them, it’s not just about the item—it’s about feeling understood.
Instead of shutting them down, we can ask, “Why do you want it?” Maybe they want to fit in at school, improve a skill, or feel more independent. We can still guide them wisely, but with a more understanding tone.
5. “You wouldn’t understand.”
This one really makes kids feel excluded. When we say it, we might think we’re protecting them from things that are too complicated or adult-like. But to them, it sounds like, “You’re not smart enough to understand.”
Instead, we can say, “It’s a little complicated, but I’ll explain it as best I can.” This shows that we trust them to handle big conversations, and that trust means everything to them.
6. “I don’t have time.”
Our grandkids may not always say it, but they definitely feel it when we use this excuse too often. Kids understand that adults are busy, but when they hear “I don’t have time,” it can start to sound like “You’re not important enough for me to make time.”
If we’re genuinely swamped, we can try saying, “I’m busy right now, but let’s set aside time this evening.” A promise to make time later feels better than outright rejection.
7. “I’m too tired.”
Oh, we are tired! That’s just the truth of life as we get older. But to a grandchild who’s excited to share something with us, “I’m too tired” can feel like, “You’re exhausting me.”
Instead of saying no outright, we can say, “Let’s rest for a little, then I’ll do it with you.” That small shift makes them feel like we want to be with them, even if we need a break first.
8. “Ask your parents.”
Sometimes, we have to say this—especially when it comes to things like permission or discipline. But when a grandkid comes to us, it’s often because they trust us in a unique way.
Instead of dismissing them, we can say, “I can’t decide this for you, but let’s talk about it together and then we’ll ask your parents.” This way, they feel supported rather than sent away.
9. “You should be grateful for what you have.”
Gratitude is important, but when kids are upset, this phrase can sound like we’re saying their feelings don’t matter.
Instead of dismissing their emotions, we can say, “I understand why that’s frustrating. Want to talk about it?” Listening first makes it easier to gently guide them toward gratitude.
10. “That’s just the way it is.”
Kids question things—that’s how they learn. But when we respond with “That’s just the way it is,” we shut down their curiosity.
Instead, we can say, “That’s a good question. Let’s figure it out together.” Encouraging curiosity strengthens our relationship with them.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, we want our grandkids to know they can always count on us. Yes, we have limits. Yes, we get tired. And yes, we sometimes don’t understand the things they care about. But our relationship with them should never be full of excuses.
Because the one thing we never want to say is, “I wish I had spent more time with them while I had the chance.”
