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As grandmothers, our hearts swell with love for our grandchildren. We want nothing more than to be their safe place—the one they can turn to for comfort, wisdom, and a little mischief when their parents aren’t looking. But sometimes, despite our best efforts, we might notice a little hesitation in their behavior. Maybe they seem distant, unsure, or even a bit anxious around us.
It’s easy to brush off these feelings as just shyness, but what if they’re actually nervous? And more importantly, how can we help ease that nervousness so that our time together is filled with love and laughter?
If you’ve ever wondered whether your grandkids feel nervous around you, here are 12 subtle but important signs to watch for—along with gentle, loving ways to help them feel more comfortable.
1. They Avoid Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of the simplest ways we connect with each other. When a child feels at ease, they naturally look at you when speaking or listening. But if your grandchild constantly looks down, turns away, or avoids meeting your eyes, they may be feeling nervous.
This could be because they’re unsure about how to interact with you or because they feel intimidated—even if that was never your intention.
What You Can Do:
Instead of insisting they look at you, focus on making your presence feel safe and warm. Keep your tone light, smile often, and allow them to engage at their own pace.
2. They Seem Unusually Quiet
Some children are naturally reserved, but if your grandchild is usually chatty with others yet goes silent around you, it might be a sign that they feel nervous.
Perhaps they don’t know what to say, worry about saying the wrong thing, or feel unsure about how to interact with you.
What You Can Do:
Make conversation easy and pressure-free. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” or “What’s something you wish grown-ups understood about kids?”
3. They Keep Their Distance
Does your grandchild always sit on the opposite side of the room? Do they hesitate before hugging you or seem uncomfortable with physical affection?
While some kids just prefer their personal space, an unusual reluctance to be near you might indicate nervousness.
What You Can Do:
Instead of forcing hugs, let them set the pace. A simple “Would you like a hug?” can make a difference. Over time, as they feel safer, they’ll come closer on their own.
4. They Laugh Nervously
Nervous laughter is different from genuine joy—it can be high-pitched, forced, or come at odd moments. If your grandchild laughs when they don’t know how to respond or giggles in a way that seems unnatural, it might be a sign of unease.
What You Can Do:
Try creating a relaxed atmosphere. Share a funny story about yourself—maybe a time you got something hilariously wrong as a kid. When children see that you can laugh at yourself, they’ll feel less pressure to be “perfect” around you.
5. They Seem Extra Fidgety
Does your grandchild tap their fingers, shuffle their feet, twirl their hair, or play with nearby objects when talking to you? These little habits can be signs of nervous energy.
What You Can Do:
Instead of putting them on the spot with direct conversation, try doing an activity together. Baking, drawing, puzzles, or gardening give their hands something to do, making interactions feel more natural and less intimidating.
6. They Struggle to Start or Continue Conversations
Some children may hesitate before speaking, giving only short, one-word answers. Others might start talking but pause often or struggle to find words.
This can be because they’re afraid of saying something wrong or because they feel unsure of what kind of conversation will “work” with you.
What You Can Do:
Don’t make them feel like they have to carry the conversation. Share something first! Talk about your childhood, a funny experience, or a new hobby you’re trying. Once they see that conversation with you doesn’t have to be stressful, they’ll start to open up.
7. They Hesitate to Ask for Things
Kids are naturally comfortable asking for snacks, help, or attention from adults they trust. But if your grandchild never asks for anything—not even water when they’re clearly thirsty—it might mean they don’t feel entirely at ease.
What You Can Do:
Offer things before they have to ask. Say, “Would you like some juice? I have your favorite!” This reassures them that their needs are important to you.
8. They Watch You Closely for Reactions
If they seem to be studying your face, hesitating before speaking, or looking nervous after saying something, they might be worried about upsetting you.
What You Can Do:
Make it clear that you’re on their side. When they talk, nod encouragingly, smile, and respond warmly. Show them that your love isn’t dependent on them saying the “right” thing.
9. They Act Extra Polite in an Unnatural Way
Respect is wonderful, but if a child is overly formal or stiff, it may be because they’re unsure how to act around you.
What You Can Do:
Reassure them that they don’t have to be “perfect.” Laugh off little mistakes and show them that being themselves is more important than following every rule.
10. They Stick Close to Their Parents or Siblings
Do they only talk when their parent is around? Do they seem nervous when left alone with you? This could mean they see their parents as a “safe buffer” between you and them.
What You Can Do:
Start with short one-on-one moments. Even something as simple as “Can you help me pick a snack for everyone?” creates small opportunities for connection.
11. They Seem Relieved When It’s Time to Leave
If they seem tense at the start of a visit but visibly relax when it’s time to go, it could mean that they find time with you stressful rather than enjoyable.
What You Can Do:
Make visits feel fun and low-pressure. Instead of expecting deep conversations, focus on play. Play a board game, let them teach you a silly dance, or watch their favorite show with them.
12. They Don’t Share Their Feelings or Interests
Kids love talking about what excites them—unless they’re afraid of judgment. If they never mention their favorite hobbies, dreams, or feelings, they might be worried about how you’ll react.
What You Can Do:
Ask gentle, open-ended questions like “What’s something you’re really into lately?” and respond with enthusiasm—even if it’s something you don’t understand!
Final Thoughts
If you recognize any of these signs in your grandkids, don’t worry! Children’s comfort grows over time. The more you show them that they can be themselves around you, the more they’ll open up.
With warmth, patience, and a little laughter, you can become the comforting, loving grandmother they’ll always treasure. ❤️
