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As grandmothers, we’ve seen the world change drastically over the years. From how children are raised to how families communicate, the differences are undeniable. Yet, some of us might still hold onto old-school approaches that worked in our time but don’t necessarily align with today’s parenting methods or the needs of our grandkids. While we mean well, clinging to outdated styles can sometimes create tension with our grandkids or their parents. So, let’s reflect on 15 old-school grandparenting styles we should leave behind in 2024, for the sake of healthier, more harmonious relationships.
1. The “I Know Best” Attitude
Back in the day, we had fewer parenting resources, so instincts and community wisdom guided us. While our experience is invaluable, dismissing modern parenting methods as “overthinking” can cause friction. Today’s parents have access to research, and it’s important to respect their approach—even if it seems different.
2. Pressuring Kids to Eat Everything on Their Plate
Many of us grew up during times when wasting food was unthinkable. But today, forcing kids to “clean their plate” can lead to unhealthy eating habits or battles over meals. Encouraging kids to listen to their hunger cues is a more positive approach.
3. The “Children Should Be Seen and Not Heard” Mindset
This was a common mantra in our younger days, but now, children are encouraged to express themselves and participate in conversations. Shushing kids during family gatherings or dismissing their opinions may stifle their confidence and creativity.
4. Spoiling Grandkids to Spite the Parents
We love spoiling our grandkids—it’s part of the fun! But spoiling them just to irritate their parents or prove we’re the “fun ones” creates unnecessary tension. Grandparenting should strengthen family bonds, not test them.
5. Ignoring Emotional Well-being
In the past, mental health wasn’t discussed as openly as it is now. Dismissing a grandchild’s anxiety or sadness with “toughen up” can make them feel invalidated. Instead, listening and offering empathy go a long way.
6. Gender Stereotyping
Encouraging granddaughters to be ladylike or grandsons to be tough might seem harmless, but today’s kids benefit from the freedom to explore their interests without gender constraints. Let’s embrace and support their individuality.
7. Overemphasis on Respecting Elders Without Question
While teaching respect is important, demanding unquestioning obedience can stifle critical thinking and individuality. Respect should be mutual—showing kids we value their opinions helps build strong, trusting relationships.
8. Using Guilt as a Tool
Phrases like “After all I’ve done for you” or “You don’t visit me enough” might guilt others into action, but they can also breed resentment. Building relationships based on love and understanding, rather than obligation, is much healthier.
9. Punishing with Harsh Words
Criticism, even if meant to guide, can sting deeply. Comments about weight, appearance, or intelligence can hurt a child’s self-esteem. Choosing kind, constructive words fosters growth without damaging confidence.
10. Resisting New Technology
We might not have grown up with smartphones or video games, but technology is central to our grandkids’ world. Instead of criticizing it, let’s engage with their interests—ask about their favorite games or try video calls instead of only expecting in-person visits.
11. Refusing to Acknowledge Mistakes
Admitting when we’ve been wrong was rare in past generations, but it’s an essential skill in today’s relationships. If we overstep or upset our grandkids or their parents, a sincere apology shows humility and strengthens trust.
12. Comparing Grandkids to One Another
Statements like “Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” can damage relationships and create unnecessary competition among siblings or relatives. Each grandchild is unique and should be celebrated for who they are.
13. Clinging to Outdated Safety Norms
We might have driven without car seats or let kids play unsupervised for hours, but modern safety guidelines exist for a reason. Ignoring them or brushing them off can cause conflicts with parents and potentially endanger our grandkids.
14. Overloading Kids with Old Wives’ Tales
Passing down family traditions is wonderful, but insisting on outdated myths—like not going outside with wet hair causes colds—can confuse kids who are learning science-based facts at school. Balance tradition with education to stay relevant.
15. Trying to Relive Parenting Days
It’s tempting to step in and parent the way we did, especially if we don’t agree with what the parents are doing. But our role as grandparents is different—offering love and support without overstepping boundaries is key.
Embracing a New Era of Grandparenting
As the world evolves, so too must our approach to grandparenting. By letting go of these old-school habits and embracing modern practices, we not only strengthen our relationships but also show our grandkids that we’re willing to grow alongside them.
At the end of the day, our goal is to be a loving, positive presence in their lives—and that starts with listening, learning, and adapting. Let 2025 be the year we step confidently into our role as grandmothers who bridge the gap between generations with grace and understanding. After all, our love is timeless—let’s ensure our approach is too.
