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As grandmothers, we take immense pride in the love and wisdom we pass down to our grandchildren. The bond we share with them is precious, filled with moments of laughter, learning, and unconditional love. However, even with the best of intentions, certain actions or habits can unintentionally make our grandkids feel neglected or less valued. Recognizing these behaviors is key to nurturing a relationship where our grandchildren always feel cherished and supported.
In this article, we’ll explore common behaviors that can leave our grandchildren feeling overlooked and provide actionable steps to ensure they always feel loved.
1. Not Making Time for Them
Life doesn’t slow down just because we’ve become grandmothers. Between our personal commitments, social engagements, and daily responsibilities, it’s easy to let time slip away. However, if we’re always too busy to spend time with our grandkids, they may start to feel like they’re not a priority.
Even a simple gesture like scheduling a regular phone call, video chat, or outing can make a huge difference. These moments, no matter how small, show them that they hold a special place in our lives.
2. Showing Favoritism Among Grandkids
Children are incredibly perceptive, and even subtle signs of favoritism can hurt their feelings. Perhaps we gravitate toward the grandchild who shares our interests or naturally bond more easily with one child. However, if we unintentionally favor one grandchild over others—whether through more gifts, praise, or attention—it can make the others feel less loved.
It’s crucial to celebrate each grandchild’s unique qualities. Taking the time to understand their individual personalities, strengths, and interests helps ensure all of them feel equally valued.
3. Forgetting Important Details
Our grandkids remember the small things—like when we attend their school events, ask about their hobbies, or remember their favorite colors or foods. Forgetting these details, especially repeatedly, can make them feel overlooked or unimportant.
Staying engaged in their lives doesn’t mean remembering every single fact. However, showing interest in their activities and achievements—even if it’s just asking, “How did that test go?”—can leave a lasting positive impact.
4. Offering Criticism Instead of Encouragement
We all want the best for our grandchildren, and sometimes that desire can come across as overly critical. For example, we might point out areas where they could improve instead of acknowledging what they’ve already done well. While constructive feedback has its place, constant criticism can hurt their self-esteem and make them hesitant to open up to us.
Instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong, let’s make a conscious effort to celebrate their successes and gently guide them when necessary. Encouragement fosters confidence and shows them we believe in their abilities.
5. Being Emotionally Distant
Physical presence alone isn’t enough if we’re not emotionally available for our grandkids. If we’re distracted by our phones, engrossed in TV shows, or preoccupied with other matters when they’re talking to us, they might feel like their thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
Being emotionally present requires active listening and showing genuine interest in their stories and experiences. Putting away distractions and giving them our undivided attention strengthens the bond we share.
6. Missing Their Milestones
Whether it’s a school play, a sports game, or a birthday party, these moments are monumental in the eyes of our grandkids. Missing them—especially when we have the ability to attend—can make them feel like we don’t care enough to show up for the things that matter most to them.
If we can’t be there in person, sending a heartfelt message, a small gift, or even a video recording to celebrate their achievement can show them that we’re thinking of them and cheering them on from afar.
7. Dismissing Their Feelings or Opinions
Children and teenagers have thoughts and feelings that are just as valid as our own, even if they might seem trivial to us. Dismissing their opinions with phrases like, “You’re too young to understand,” or “That’s not important right now,” can make them feel undervalued.
When they share their thoughts, even on topics we might not fully understand, it’s important to listen with an open mind. Acknowledging their perspectives, even if we don’t always agree, helps build mutual respect and trust.
8. Giving All the Attention to Their Parents
It’s natural for us to focus on catching up with our adult children during family gatherings. However, if we spend all our time talking to our kids and barely interact with our grandkids, they might feel left out or unimportant.
Balancing our time between our children and grandchildren ensures everyone feels included. A simple gesture like inviting the grandkids to sit with us or asking them about their day can make them feel noticed and appreciated.
9. Enforcing Overly Strict Boundaries
While discipline is important, being too rigid with rules can create an atmosphere where our grandkids feel they can’t relax or be themselves around us. Overly strict boundaries can make visits feel more like obligations than enjoyable moments.
Finding a balance between maintaining structure and creating a warm, welcoming environment helps ensure they feel comfortable and loved.
10. Rarely Initiating Contact
If we always wait for our grandkids or their parents to reach out first, they might start to feel like maintaining the relationship is entirely their responsibility. This can lead to feelings of neglect, especially if they’re too young to realize we might just be waiting for the right moment to connect.
Reaching out with a text, phone call, or even a handwritten letter shows them we’re thinking of them and value our connection.
11. Ignoring Their Evolving Interests
As our grandchildren grow, their interests and hobbies will change. If we cling to outdated activities or show no interest in their current passions, it might feel like we’re not paying attention to who they’re becoming.
Taking the time to learn about their new hobbies, even if they’re completely foreign to us, shows that we’re invested in their happiness. Whether it’s a new video game, a trending song, or a creative project, showing enthusiasm for what they love strengthens our bond.
12. Using Guilt to Gain Attention
Comments like, “You never visit me anymore,” or “I guess I’m just not important to you,” might be said out of loneliness, but they can leave our grandkids feeling burdened or resentful. This approach might get them to visit out of obligation, but it doesn’t foster the kind of joyful connection we desire.
Instead, creating an inviting and loving environment encourages them to spend time with us because they genuinely want to.
How We Can Do Better
Recognizing these behaviors allows us to be more intentional in our relationships with our grandkids. Here are some practical ways to ensure they always feel loved and valued:
- Be Present: Give them your full attention during conversations and activities.
- Celebrate Their Individuality: Acknowledge and support their unique interests and talents.
- Communicate Often: Regular phone calls, messages, or letters can keep the connection strong.
- Show Up: Be there for their milestones whenever possible, and let them know you’re proud of their achievements.
- Stay Curious: Take an active interest in their evolving passions and hobbies.
- Encourage and Support: Use positive words and actions to build their confidence.
Ultimately, our grandkids won’t remember every gift we gave or every word we said, but they will remember how we made them feel. Let’s make sure that feeling is one of unconditional love, encouragement, and unwavering support. In doing so, we create memories and a legacy they’ll carry with them for a lifetime.
