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As grandmothers, we want the very best for our grandchildren. We dream of seeing them grow into happy, healthy, and kind-hearted individuals. But sometimes, in our eagerness to guide them, we might inadvertently try to shape them into something they’re not. It’s important to remember that our role as grandmothers is to nurture, support, and celebrate who they are—not to mold them into what we think they should be. Here are some things we should never try to change about our grandkids:
1. Their Personality
Each child is born with a unique personality. Some are extroverted and love the spotlight, while others are quiet and reflective. Instead of trying to make a shy grandchild more outgoing or encouraging a boisterous one to tone it down, embrace who they are. Celebrate their quirks and individuality because that’s what makes them special. Take the time to observe and appreciate their natural tendencies and help them thrive in their comfort zones while gently encouraging growth.
2. Their Interests and Passions
Your grandchild may love things that seem foreign to you—like video games, anime, or skateboarding—or they may have interests that don’t align with your own, such as a passion for modern music instead of the classics you adore. Support their hobbies and passions, even if you don’t fully understand them. Their interests are a vital part of their identity. Engage with them by asking questions or participating in their activities—you might even discover a shared enjoyment you didn’t expect.
3. Their Dreams
It can be tempting to steer our grandkids toward paths we believe are best for them, whether it’s a particular career, sport, or academic focus. But their dreams belong to them. Encourage them to dream big and follow their hearts, even if their aspirations differ from what you envisioned. Remember, your role is to be a guiding light, not a compass that dictates their direction. Be the one who cheers the loudest for their achievements and helps them navigate setbacks.
4. Their Appearance
Fashion choices, hairstyles, and even piercings or tattoos may be a way for your grandkids to express themselves. While you may not like every style they choose, remember that it’s their body and their way of exploring who they are. A little wild hair dye or a trendy outfit isn’t worth damaging your bond over. What matters most is that they feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. Compliment their choices when you can, and if you can’t, focus on their inner beauty instead.
5. Their Friends
As long as their friends aren’t a harmful influence, it’s important to respect their choice of companions. Kids often learn valuable lessons about relationships through their friendships, even the ones that don’t last. If you have concerns, approach the topic gently rather than trying to control who they spend time with. Instead of criticizing their friends, encourage open conversations about what makes a good friend and let them reach their own conclusions.
6. Their Learning Pace
Every child learns at their own speed. Some may excel academically, while others shine in creativity, sports, or kindness. Avoid comparing them to others or pressuring them to meet milestones on a specific timeline. Your encouragement and patience will mean far more than any push for perfection. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small, and remind them that everyone has their own unique strengths and talents.
7. Their Beliefs and Values
As your grandkids grow, they will form their own beliefs and values, which may differ from yours. Whether it’s political views, religious beliefs, or lifestyle choices, respect their journey to figure out what matters most to them. Open dialogue and mutual respect will keep your relationship strong, even if you don’t always see eye to eye. Instead of debating differences, use these opportunities to learn more about their perspective and share your own experiences without judgment.
8. Their Emotions
Children and teenagers often experience intense emotions. Instead of dismissing their feelings or telling them to “toughen up,” validate their emotions and offer a listening ear. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or overwhelmed—you’re there to help them navigate those feelings. Teaching them to process emotions in a healthy way will serve them for a lifetime. Share stories of your own emotional challenges and how you overcame them to help them feel less alone.
9. Their Independence
As much as we might want to keep our grandkids close, they need space to grow and learn on their own. Avoid being overly protective or trying to control their decisions. Trust that they’ll make mistakes but learn from them, just as we did when we were their age. Encourage their independence by allowing them to take on responsibilities and make choices, even if it means they stumble along the way. Your faith in their abilities will boost their confidence.
10. Their Boundaries
Respecting your grandchild’s boundaries is crucial. Whether it’s their privacy, personal space, or the way they prefer to communicate, honor their limits. This shows them that you value and respect their autonomy. If they ask for time alone or choose to share certain things with their parents rather than you, accept it gracefully. Your respect for their boundaries will foster a sense of trust and make them more likely to open up to you in the future.
The Bottom Line
Our grandkids are not blank slates for us to write on. They are vibrant, complex individuals who are finding their way in the world. By accepting and supporting them as they are, we can build a relationship based on trust, love, and mutual respect. Let’s focus on being their cheerleaders and confidantes, always ready to offer a helping hand and an open heart. After all, the greatest gift we can give them is our unconditional love.
When we accept our grandkids for who they are, we become their safe haven, the place they know they can always turn to for love and understanding. Let’s cherish the privilege of watching them grow into their authentic selves and celebrate every step of their journey.
