{"id":14372,"date":"2025-04-06T09:35:27","date_gmt":"2025-04-06T13:35:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.devotedgrandma.com\/?p=14372"},"modified":"2025-04-06T09:52:32","modified_gmt":"2025-04-06T13:52:32","slug":"where-long-distance-grandmas-often-let-their-grandkids-down-without-meaning-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.devotedgrandma.com\/grandparenting\/where-long-distance-grandmas-often-let-their-grandkids-down-without-meaning-to\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Areas Where Long-Distance Grandmas Often Let Their Grandkids Down (Without Meaning To)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Oh, how we love our grandchildren \u2014 whether we live down the street or a thousand miles away. No matter the miles between us, our hearts are always wrapped up in theirs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But if we’re being honest with ourselves, being a long-distance grandmother comes with challenges that sometimes leave our sweet grandkids feeling a little disappointed, even when we had no intention of making them feel that way.Now, I don\u2019t say any of this to make us feel guilty. Goodness knows we\u2019re doing our best. And sometimes, we\u2019re juggling things they don\u2019t even know about \u2014 our health, finances, travel limitations, or even complicated family dynamics. Still, if we shine a gentle light on the areas where we sometimes fall short, we might find simple ways to bridge the distance better.Here are some of the most common places where long-distance grandmas unintentionally let their grandkids down \u2014 and what we can gently do to turn those things around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Inconsistent Communication<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

We start out full of energy and good intentions \u2014 regular phone calls, video chats, birthday cards, little texts here and there. But life gets busy. Our days slip into weeks, and before we realize it, a whole month has passed without reaching out.To a young heart, that silence can feel a lot like being forgotten.Consistency matters. Even short, simple connections \u2014 a funny GIF, a voicemail, a five-minute FaceTime \u2014 tell a child, “You\u2019re important to me every day, not just when I have free time.”It\u2019s not about perfect communication. It\u2019s about showing up often enough that they never doubt where they stand in our hearts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Not Making Effort to Know Their Daily World<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to stick to the big stuff \u2014 holidays, report cards, big announcements. But what we sometimes miss is that small things matter most to our grandkids. The new pet hamster, the school project on volcanoes, the birthday party they’re invited to next Saturday \u2014 these are the treasures of their everyday lives.When we don\u2019t ask about their day-to-day joys and struggles, they can feel unseen. We accidentally become more like visitors in their lives than trusted, everyday presences.Next time you call, skip the big questions like, “How\u2019s school?” and ask smaller, more personal ones like, “What\u2019s something funny that happened to you today?” or “What song are you listening to over and over lately?” Watch their faces light up when they realize you\u2019re truly interested.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Birthday and Holiday Disappointments<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s be honest \u2014 shipping delays, busy schedules, and not knowing what they\u2019re into these days can make birthdays and holidays stressful. Sometimes gifts arrive late, or worse, they feel impersonal.It\u2019s not about sending something expensive. A heartfelt card, a book signed with a special note, a hand-knit scarf in their favorite color \u2014 those things say, “I know you. I love you.”Missing birthdays or sending generic gifts once might be forgiven easily, but if it becomes a pattern, grandkids may quietly pull back, believing they don’t matter as much to us as we intend.Planning ahead just a little, asking their parents for ideas early, or even setting reminders on our calendars can help us show up in these important moments the way we mean to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Being Passive Instead of Proactive<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

We often wait for our grandkids\u2019 parents to initiate \u2014 to send pictures, arrange visits, set up FaceTimes. But when we only respond instead of reaching out first, it can feel like we\u2019re doing them a favor, not like we\u2019re eager to connect.Our grandkids, especially as they get older, notice who calls them first. Who sends the birthday card first. Who texts just because.A simple message saying, “Saw a sunflower today and it made me think of you!” can mean the world. It shows them they\u2019re not an afterthought; they are tucked in the corners of our hearts all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Not Showing Up for Milestones<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Some milestones we simply can\u2019t be there for \u2014 health, distance, or cost can make it impossible. But there are many ways to “show up” even if we can’t physically be there: sending flowers for a recital, recording a video congratulating them for graduation, watching a school concert streamed online.When we skip milestones altogether \u2014 no message, no call, no card \u2014 the absence weighs heavily.Kids don\u2019t expect us to perform miracles, but they do need to know we care enough to mark their big moments somehow. Being part of their milestones, even from afar, builds memories they\u2019ll carry forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Losing Touch as They Get Older<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Toddlers are easy to entertain. A video chat filled with silly faces and waving hands is enough. But as our grandkids grow into teenagers and young adults, the way we connect has to evolve, too.If we don\u2019t keep adapting \u2014 learning about their hobbies, their passions, their struggles \u2014 we might wake up one day and realize we barely know who they are anymore.Teenagers might not always be eager to talk to Grandma, but deep down, they still want to know we’re in their corner. If we listen without judgment and stay open to hearing about their world \u2014 video games, college worries, dating questions \u2014 we\u2019ll stay close no matter how old they get.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Making It About Us Instead of Them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When we finally get a call or a visit, it\u2019s tempting to pour out everything we\u2019ve been feeling \u2014 how much we miss them, how lonely we\u2019ve been, how sad we are not to see them more often.But children, especially, need us to be their safe place \u2014 not another source of emotional burden.Instead of making it about our sadness or frustrations, we can focus on making our time together all about them: “Tell me everything about your day!” “What\u2019s the best thing that happened this week?”Our joy in them will be the anchor that makes them want to keep coming back to us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. Letting Misunderstandings With Their Parents Get in the Way<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Family tensions are real. Hurt feelings between generations happen. But if we let disagreements with our grandchild\u2019s parents create distance, it\u2019s the grandchildren who suffer the most \u2014 and they usually have no idea why.They don\u2019t see the complicated issues. They just know that one day, Grandma doesn\u2019t call as much or visit as often.No matter what struggles we face with our grown children, keeping a clean, open heart toward our grandkids is one of the most precious gifts we can give.If nothing else, we can remind ourselves: It\u2019s not their fault. They deserve our full love, no matter what.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Gentle Reminder for All of Us<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Grandmothering across miles takes effort. It\u2019s like tending a garden you can\u2019t see \u2014 you still have to water it, weed it, and watch over it, even if you can\u2019t sit under its shade every day.The good news? It\u2019s never too late to show up better.A few extra texts. A handwritten note. A quick silly video. A phone call just because.Tiny, steady touches \u2014 over time \u2014 build the bridge stronger than we ever thought possible.Love knows no distance.But it does need help.It needs our hands, our time, and our tender persistence.Let\u2019s be the grandmothers who don\u2019t let the miles win.Let\u2019s be the grandmothers whose love is always close \u2014 even when we aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh, how we love our grandchildren \u2014 whether we live […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14374,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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